Full

Today at Mosaic, I thanked God for filling me up. My heart is full. Worship at Mosaic is amazing and I feel free to openly reach and seek Christ like never before. There, I am not judged, I am loved. I am imperfect and loved.

Pastors Jay and Melanie visited our church today and spoke about their struggles and victories of starting a church in a basement, with nothing but a donated audio player, and now having grown over 1100 strong. His message today about stepping out in faith struck the heart of me and it is something I want to convey to L. To believe and know, we as children of God, have the same power that resurrected Christ within us. That we can and should step out in faith and expect a miracle. Expect good things from God. We do not give Christ the opportunity to show us His power until we show Him that we trust Him.

I want to tell L not to be afraid of her mother. Not to think her mother is more powerful than God. To tell someone what is happening to her and to know God will take care of her. At seven years old, she believes what her mother says concerning being punished by her, she has experienced her wrath many times. While in Yanceyville, she feels unprotected and unable to tell anyone the truth for fear of punishment. She tells J and I. But since having told the authorities two years ago about what was happening then, and no one kept her safe, she is afraid of telling anyone outside J and I. I want her to understand that even at the young age of seven, she has the power through the Holy Spirit, to overcome her fear. To step out in faith. To know Christ will lift her and D out from the place of abuse and neglect.
This is something that stays on my heart that I cannot shake.

Remedicated

Started last month on the same medicated regimen, as the year before last, of Paxil CR and Adderall. This is more for those around me, those who are close in my heart, than for myself. If I were not medicated, a recluse I would be and I a great help to no one. I am reaching for God daily and in so doing, need to help myself, allow help from others, to be of any use to those I love.